A Panel of Modern Women Critique a Collection of Classic Discount After-Shave
In the not-so-distant past, our male ancestors routinely splashed on cooling and firming blends of alcohol 40-B, benzophenonone, propylene glycol, and an array of other chemical wonders. The resulting fragrances were as complex as the pronunciations of their ingredients. A morning ritual and/or an enhancement before an evening on the town, these after-shaves were bargain-priced overtures towards style that were accessible to men with the roughest hands and the bluest collars. A man’s bottles might be stylishly arranged on ornate mirrored trays atop a dresser (my grandfather’s arrangement), or more suggestive of masculine minimalism –a lone bottle on the glass shelf of a medicine chest near the bandages, anti-acid tablets, and Bactine.
After-shave marketing de-feminized the idea of splashing on fragrance for a generation of men still cautious about stylistic indulgence. Ad campaigns featured slapped faces, grand seafaring themes, and the emergence of unlikely spokesmen like baseball and gambling legend Pete Rose, a cross between a terrier and a human. His tenure as a spokesman for Aqua Velva is simply unforgettable, and in many ways remains a far more profound achievement than his 4,256 career base hits. After-shave was then the aromatic staple in the spartan grooming repertoires of working-class, mid-century American males.
Contemporary culture has deemed such sturdy scents arcane, and ushered in an age of unisexuality. Shifting media conventions and cultural mores have normalized men's interest in smelling snazzy, and an increasingly lucrative market segment has flooded department stores with premium fragrance options for men. All this has plunged several of those classic after-shave brands into relative obscurity, relegating their availability to remote shelves of drug stores tucked away with the Brylcreem, mustache wax, and a handful of other forgotten male grooming products.
Researchers at The P.M. Club's Style and Grooming Center wondered aloud whether these dinosaurs of the fragrance world had faded for good reason, or whether they had simply been shoved out of the market by the more moneyed and sophisticated pitch schemes of modern, cosmopolitan scents. Had American men been duped into coughing up more change for fragrances that were no more elegant than the ones our grandfathers wore? Nothing we sampled exceeded $6.00 U.S. in terms of cost.
As in many cases where men are unsure we asked women. Five modern, successful dames were assembled to challenge their nasal palates with five after-shaves, each brand well into the autumn of its popularity. What they found was an almost universal disdain for the fragrances, and so the judging took the shape of determining not that which was most pleasing, but that which least offended. To summarize the reactions we have listed the fragrances in ascending order based on the rankings and comments of the judges. Trained male fragrance models provided wrists and necks for the judges to sniff, and a seperate round of judging on scented cards was conducted so as to ensure that the model's individual body chemistry was not a lone factor in decisions or assessments. From worst to first, here's what we found...
#5 Mennen Skin Bracer
The Mennen company was founded in Morristown, New Jersey in the late 1800's by Gerhard Heinrich Mennen, a German immigrant whose grandson, G. Mennen Williams would be Governor of the state of Michigan from 1949-1961. Skin Bracer's advertising campaigns in the 1960's and 1970's hinged on the "bracing" double smack on the respective cheeks of it's models followed by the phrase, "Thanks, I needed that." See this week's PM Club video selection to view a vintage Skin Bracer commercial.
The judges overwhelmingly disdained this fragrance whose initial top notes ranged from pineapple to Pine-Sol with hints of both gin and astringent as the fragrance dried. Judge Shannon Steen, a professor of American Studies and Theater at UC Berkeley, likened the fragrance to "Bangkok the morning after the Navy's left town," while etiquette consultant Penelope Carstens fired the decisive shot by simply stating that Skin Bracer reminded her of a man who "hates women."
#4 Clubman by Pinaud
It actually did at one time come from France where it in fact was most likely the Old Spice of Paris. However, Roger Simmermaker, contributor to the uber patriotic website howtobuyamerican.com, assures the nationalistic fragrance buyer that while the Pinaud brand did indeed originate in France some 200 years ago, it was purchased by American International Industries some 30 years ago and has been made exclusively in Los Angeles ever since. Simmermaker notes that while that French-sounding name is suspicious, purchasing Clubman-Pinaud in fact helps to keep almost 600 Americans working. The inference from our judges' commentary seems to be that the American economy might just have to take the hit in order to rid the world of this malodorous, bottled plague.
Judge Laura Carstens-Valle, Special Education Teacher, Homemaker, and renouned bargain-shopper found bass notes of cherry and Chapstick, and noted that the scent "actually made my stomach hurt." Courtney "Chloe" Malone, an Ad Agency Project Manager and former 6th place finisher in the running for Miss Tennessee, found touches of medicine and vanilla. Julie Scuderi, a rising star in the clinical research field, also noted a slight sense of nausea when confronted with this after-shave. It seemed that despite the dashing appearance of the man in top-hat and tails on this product's logo, there would be few nights on the town for those who chose Clubman by Pinaud.
#3 Brut Faberge
In 1937, American industrialist and art collector Armand Hammer helped his friend Samuel Rubin start the Faberge company. Rubin's Spanish Trading Company went belly-up during the Spanish Civil War and he was eager to enlist the aid of Hammer to revive his enterprises. The company was mildly successful for years, and from 1964 to 1984 under the direction of media-saavy CEO George Barrie, Faberge's Brut brand ruled the discount fragrance universe. Initially sold in department stores as a premium brand cologne, 1968 saw the introduction of Brut 33, a lighter, budget after-shave containing 33% of the original cologne. Brut 33 was packaged in plastic bottles.
Celebrity promotion drove Brut's wild popularity as athletes like Mickey Mantle, Wilt Chamberlain, Muhammad Ali, Joe Namath, Henry Cooper, and British soccer star Paul Gascoigne all served as pitchmen for Faberge during its 20-year zenith. Gasccoigne was, during his stint as spokesman, charged with domestic violence and as the ironic reference of the "brute selling Brut" spread through England, the edgy midfielder was swiftly relieved of his promotional responsibilities by the Faberge Company. Cary Grant received an annual stipend and a rent-free Manhattan apartment to attend promotional events for the company though insiders believe he "never actually touched the stuff." In a in a shrewed, though unglamorous bit of product placement, 1974's James Bond hit The Man with the Golden Gun features a fight scene in a dancer's dressing room where Roger Moore sprays the face of an adversary with an aerosol can of Brut 33. This was surely brought about in part by the fact that Moore sat on the board of Faberge and, along with George Barrie, created the film company Brut Productions which produced, among other features, the Oscar-winning A Touch of Class in 1974 starring George Segal and Glenda Jackson.
So how did our judges respond to this highly visible value after-shave? Less caustically than they did to others, but with nothing even approaching a warm enbrace. Shannon noted top notes of salt and sweat, while Julie described the bass notes as "musky, powdery, cheap and one-dimensional." Chloe dismissed the scent as "tile cleaner" and the always astute Penelope Carstens finished by saying that a man in this fragrance would put her in the mood to "make other arrangements."
Brut, incidentally, is French for STRONG.
#2 Ice Blue Aqua Velva
The product's classic slogan stated, "There's something about an Aqua Velva man," and while that may indeed hold true, our distinguished panel of judges had a difficult time determining what exactly that "something" might be. The fragrance did not always offend. Julie spoke of lemon and musk notes that were inoffensive, and Laura said she could possibly be intimate with a man scented with this if in fact he first "bought me a hot dog at 7-11." Chloe was less forgiving. "Close the casket," she barked, "why'd the undertaker put cologne on grandpa?"
The photo to your left shows a vintage promotional bottle of Ice Blue Aqua Velva (click to enlarge) that was given away in barbershops during the late 50's.
A Wikipedia article notes that the high alcohol content of Aqua Velva inspired U.S. sailors in WW II to substitute it for scarce alcoholic beverages by improving the flavor with orange juice or vanilla extract. Despite the alterations, sailors still complained of a soapy aftertaste. Anchors away, boys!
#1 Old Spice
A fragrance that, according to a 1970's television ad, made women "impatiently wait for their men to return from sea." This nautical themed product was introduced in 1938 by the Shulton Company and was purchased by Proctor and Gamble in June of 1990. An independent website perplexingly dedicated to Old Spice collectibles notes that the original bottles were actually spun by a pottery company in Ohio until demand forced Shulton to adopt a mechanized production scheme and substitute more economical glass bottles for pottery. The original ships appearing on the label were clippers, the Grand Turk and the Friendship; however, the current line has scaled down and now features sailboats and yachts.
The ladies reactions varied to this oceanic wonder potion. Chloe's mind wandered to shoes with tassels as she cataloged traces of clove, sandalwood, and leather. Laura, Shannon, and Penny all concurred with the adjective "sugary" and found the sweetness undesirable. Julie resisted a second whiff, and commented little; in this field, no news proved to be good news.
At the close of the proceedings, exhausted fragrance models and spent judges shared a meal of pasta, red wine, and salad, a garlic heavy affair that would pleasantly overtake the still lingering blend of pungent and mismatched after-shaves. The inhalation of so much discount fragrance combined with a hearty jug of table wine from Preston Vineyards fueled much laughter and discourse. So men, this holiday season, remember your forefathers fondly, but make every effort to avoid smelling like them.
Pasquale Scuderi
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